if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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