May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
