They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
