I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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