I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
