I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
