matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
