from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
