Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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