Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
