What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
