I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
