You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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