I wanna passion pit in your ass
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
