Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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