Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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