you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
