ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
