On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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