i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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