No, drunk sperm still make babies.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
