You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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