the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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