Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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