my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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