hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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