is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
