Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
