i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The uberlube is also flammable
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
