The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
birth control should be required to get into college
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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