My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
