The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
