those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
