normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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