and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
