and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
