pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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