I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
