his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
