yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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