saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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