I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
