Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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