It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
