Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There r osticjed everywhere
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
