When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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