i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
