I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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