I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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