I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
