I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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