dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's blow job season.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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